Anyone Can Play Guitar

There's a very unique feeling you get when you think of something you could have said, if you had just thought of it at the time. It's the kind of stuff you insert into a story about something that happened at the bar the other night. Like, "That's when I said 'burt reynolds called and he wants his mustache back,' and hit the guy over the head with my pool cue." You didn't actually think to say that at the time, but it would have been really funny if you did. And you didn't actually bust him over the head with a pool cue, you just kind of made a motion to and he flinched.

Well, I think my whole life is like that. Even when my timing is good, it's about 5 seconds behind when it would have been perfect. Mostly it's just poor. She didn't actually need directions, she just wanted to flirt. That would have been funnier if I had said "stomach problems." Oh, that was where we were supposed to kiss. Holy crap, I knew that guy. Duh, it goes in THAT end. I really should have gotten her number. Wait, go back three topics, were the rhinos female?

I'm witty, I'm clever, I care, I love, I have opinions... It's all just a little bit of a delayed reaction, can you really hold that against me?